Intro

Hello to anyone reading out there! Contrary to my blog description, I do not think my life is all doom & gloom, just that there are certain aspects that when I was a teenager I didn't wory about, didn't pay it any mind, because hey, by the time I'm 30, my life will have straigtened itself out... won't it?!
I've reached a point where I no longer believe my fairy godmother will come dancing out from the sky, wave her magic wand & I will suddenly have the life I've always wanted, no, I have concluded that it's all up to me, just little young-ish me!
So, lets start with the positives, as I said, it's not all doom and gloom, so, what is going right for me?! Well, for starters, I have a fantastic man in my life, after a turbulant past with ex-boyfriends who were not the nicest of characters, I have proverbily hit the jackpot. He's georgous, intelligent, has a good career in front of him and best of all, he doesn't give a hoot about the things that worry me, he loves me for... well... me! We've been together now for 4 years (just about) and we've got a great relationship. Oh, he's no saint, he has his quirks and foybles don't get me wrong, but thankfully, they're few & far between so things are pretty good.
Family wise, although my mother hasn't spoken to me now for 2 years, I have a great relationship with my dad & his girlfriend. My brother is in the Navy, My older sister has provided me with a wonderful niece & a nephew (the nephew I'm still yet to meet!) and I have a whole hoast of Aunts & Unles both here & in Germany who think the world of me.
I have a few friends who are great in my life, they give me the excuse to have fun & enjoy myself, even if it's just a giggle in front of a film. Although I only have a few, my dad always said if you have anything between 1 - 5 really good friends, your doing very well in life. So, I'm fine!
Job wise, well, I've just changed my position within the company I've been with for 2 years. a mate of mine suggests my new job title should be "Statistician & Research Co-Ordinator", because stats & research is what I do, and being a co-ordinator sounds good! Not the most glamorous job in the world, not the best paid either, but it gets me by, and over all, I like it here.

So, what's the problem then? Why do I think that I haven't quite achieved what I want to before I turn 30? Well, a few things arn't quite right, a few things I would like to change for the better & I hope, by keeping a "diary" so-to-speak, will enable me to keep on track for various things I want to do. So, here we go with the things that arn't so good.

1 - I am over weight. And I don't mean like these little stick girls who think they're fat because they have to wear a size 12, no, I mean big enough that I struggle finding clothes to fit me in everyday life, that when I'm on my own & walking down the street, there will inevitably be a comment about my size. "Oh my god, did you see the size of her?" "Hey, go on a diet you fat cow" and so on. At my very worst 2 years ago, I weighed 18st5lb. At my recent best, at the beginning of this year, I went down to 16st9lb, but now, I have gone back to 17st8lb and it's really depressing. I USED to be a size 12 / 14 when I was in my mid teens, but, 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with a bad case of low thyroid problems, which they think went un-diagnosed for 9 years. Which makes sense, around the time I was 18 / 19, I started to put weight on out of nowhere & it didn't stop till I started using the tablets I'm on now till the rest of my life.

2. I have a multitude of health problems. Ok, I have constant pins & needles in my arms, hands, legs & feet. My knees almost always hurt. I have a very bad mid & lower back that's almost always in pain. I suffer from dizzyness & blackouts - fainting is just no fun at all. I get terrible cramps at night in my legs and an awful lot of headaches. Trouble is, everytime I speak to the Dr's, they ALWAYS say that it's all to do with my weight. The thing that scares me about losing weight, what if they're wrong? What if all these problems were from something else, something bigger, more scary, and it went over looked just because I am bigger than most. I'm terrified of finding out.

3. My job is ok, I have my own office, my own routine, and my own projects that I can just get on with, so, I'm not being harrassed all the time (not anymore anyway!) but, I don't want to spend my life only earning £15,500 a year. I want to get through a computer course I started a while ago, and get a better paid job. But, I'm struggling, alot, with trying to get through this course. It's written like a stero instruction booklet & it's so boring & big! it's a massive book, with little writing. It's daunting & scary & I don't have anyone I know studying the same thing, so I have no one to study with, bounce ideas from and so on. It's hard, but I do want to do it.

So, dear readers, those are the things I want to improve. My weight, my health, my career. I would dearly love for at least one of these things to start going right before I'm 30. And that's what the Nina project is all about.