Oh... what now?

My deepest apologies to you all, I have been very absent with my writing of late, and when you read what's happened, it'll seem strange as I should have had more time on my hands recently to blog away! But there you go, such is life eh?

Ok, well,  good news first.  After reading my "kingdom for a cat" blog, my man finally said yes, yup dear readers, he kept his defences up for 3 long years of me asking, and after meeting the kitten I wanted to adopt, he said yes! Then spoilt it by saying "If I don't say yes you'll never shut up about it" So, now we own a dear little white and orange thing called Lily. She's approx 13 weeks old as I write this, and she's all teeth and claws - even when she wants to get a cuddle, she first of all leaps to my leg and digs in. Still, she's learning that I don't like that! However, after saying yes, J was very inconsiderate and left for Texas, so I've been on my own for nearly two weeks. Due back this Sunday tho (hooray!) No, he didn't leave just because of the onset of a cat, no, his work sent him out there on a mission to learn about their new tool that they want to build in the UK. My man's in the oil biz don't 'cha know! 

Ok, so, inevitably, because I said that there was good news, that does mean there is also bad news. Last Thursday (so, a week and a day before writing this)  I was asked to leave my work. I was suspended. Pending investigations. Into what? I hear you cry.... well, believe me, I feel just as confused. The basics of it from my point of view are... client was cross, he was confused what he was cross about, because he was confused he didn't make any sense while he was talking to me, I kept trying to keep him on track as to what he was trying to say, on doing so he got more agitated, he started to raise his voice, Senior counsellor steps in, has a go at me even tho I had remained calm throughout this whole thing, and 2 minutes later, my boss tells me I'm suspended. Oh, I know what your thinking, there must be more to it than that surely? but alas no, I was left feeling totally confused and mortified by the whole thing. I was in tears and completely useless within minutes. Went to see my friend Adrian in another department and then went home. I don't know what I'm going to do. The HR manager told me yesterday via an e-mail that there will be a formal disciplinary hearing regarding this incident - WHAT FUCKING INCIDENT? A bloody jumped up bitch has a go at me after a stupid client winds himself up, and I'm on fucking trial? Oh please. 

On top of that, Nikki, yes, Nikki is now not talking to me. Last friday I had the HR manager here for nearly 2 hours talking to me about that happened from my point of view. Which, as you can imagine, left me feeling VERY emotionally.... charged shall we say. I know this sounds dumb, but now the only thing I have to look forward to is this kitten arriving later that day, this kitten that's been 3 years in the asking, a lot more I have waited for it. Suddenly, this woman, I don't know who she is, working for a brief time with Nikki I knew that much, calls me up and states "Nikki told me that you were thinking about having both kittens" 
"No, no, it was always only going to be one"
"Well, I'm just phoning to let you know that I have discussed this with my husband and as we already have 2 cats we thought first of all to only have the one cat, now we've decided to have both"
WHAT? who the hell is this cow telling me the only thing I've got to look forward to is now being whipped away from me? What a bitch! I had such a go at her - I was really in no mood to piss around with the likes of some idiot who calls a total stranger out of the blue and metaphorically sticks two fingers up at. Sod that. I had had enough already. So I let her have it. After this, I texted Nikki to say I wasn't happy that she gave my number to someone, and that if she knew what this woman was going to call me about, it would have been better for a friend to call first. I told her it was really poor timing on her part, knowing already what I was going through. she texted back "watch out how you talk to your so-called friends", then she ignored me the rest of the day, a few texts later I told her when she's ready to talk to me, then please call. It's been a week and nothing. Even more insulting, our weekly cinema trip, she invited Carrie to go and not me. Thanks a bunch. At a  time I could really do with my friends around me, you decide to kick me whilst I'm down.

So, what have I been doing with myself all this time? Well, Saturday I took Jennie out around Stroud to show her various places & shops, then dad & Shaz visited - taking me out to dinner and drinks. Sunday, hungover. I spent the morning with dad & Shaz, then nothing the rest of the day. Monday discovered a woodland walk near where I live, and went rambling for over 2 hours! found a gorgeous house that I have since found out has been the site of a shooting, hanging, all sorts. maybe not so nice then! Then I did some sorting. Tuesday I took little one to the vets. With all the bus waiting, the poor thing was in her cage for almost 2 hours! Then I went to Gloucester to get a better litter tray for her so she stops kicking stones around the bathroom, later also saw Anna who has returned from a year of travelling the world! Wednesday the Electrician came in, so, while he was busy, I started more wallpaper stripping & painting. The cat decided this was a good game and almost in a Matrix style, leapt at the wall, bouncing off it with all 4 paws. Leaving little marks in the paintwork, and she no longer has pink paws. The house was wrecked after the electrician had been for some reason. Went out to the cinema, sod Nikki, Jennie still wants to hang out with me, not only that, she cooked dinner for me! I was most impressed, I haven't been cooked for in a LONG time! Thursday, the electrician, plumber and chimney sweep came in and the house went into total disaster zone and now that's what I'm left with to clean up before J gets home on Sunday morning. Oh Christ!

Plus, as you may have noticed, the pounds (lbs) I have got to lose is still going in the wrong direction!  I now have more lbs to lose than weeks available to me, this is not good, this situation has got to change. I do want to lose it , I really do, I just don't want to diet! I don't over eat anyway, but lately, with J gone, I haven't looked after myself at all, I haven't cooked for myself (except once, that was last night), and I've mostly been living on Porridge and toast. Not good, not good at all. I've steadily been gaining one lb per week instead of losing the bloody things since deciding to try dieting again. I was better off not trying, at least that way I wasn't gaining anything! See, that's me lying to myself again, I was putting it on, because I'm now over a stone heavier than what I was at the beginning of this year! That's just awful. But why haven't I yet got it into my head that I actually DO want to change? I tell myself I do every day, I hate looking in the mirror or worse, a reflection of myself every day, so, when, for Christ's sake WHEN will I learn that I need to change?!! Definition of stupidity "Behaving in the same manner, expecting different results", yup, that's me.


But, me and the cat enjoyed a lovely lit fire yesterday, we decided to take the evening slowly, not do any more cleaning ( I feel I've done that all week!) and just relax in front of the fire. Lovely. But now, I have to think about getting more logs for the bloody thing! 

I hope this catches you all up with what's been going on. Chaio for now!

My kingdom for a kitten!

This might sound like a silly thing, but I want a cat. Let me explain. I have been brought up with cats & dogs. I have never... EVER been without a pet. We firstly had Snoopy who was such a softy he would guard me when I was a baby, tiger the cat who was a tortoise shell cat, when tiger died and mum knew she was pregnant with Alex, I was asked, "do you want a puppy or a brother?" "PUPPY" naturally! So, we got Prince who was officially my dog. A year on, we still had Snoopy & Prince, but I got my own cat thrown into the mix now too, Mr Fish. Snoopy died and a few years later, we got Maxi, a stupid golden hairball of a lab who was as soft & daft as anything. Mr fish, then prince passed away and my family had Dave the cat move in, but he was never a very nice cat at all. Maxi has now gone, and Dave lives in Cornwall with mum who I haven't spoken to in 2 years. So, always I had pets, up until now.


My man, J, my knight in shining armour, has an Achilles heel - he gets bitten to shreds by the presence of just one flea. Our August trip to Cornwall where we stayed at dads, ended up with him being covered, literally, from head to toe in itchy, irritating bites. We were there for close to a week, and he hated every second of our stay. We could be sat in the bedroom or the living room, and I could count anything from 2 or 3, to 20 fleas all over J's legs. My dad doesn't live in a flea pit (despite what I've written), he's just inherited a stray cat that they've called Nero and he brought along lodes of little friends with him. Unfortunately for J, dad never gets bitten (neither do I for that matter!) so didn't notice the scale of the problem before we arrived. J was already reserved about the idea of us having a cat, mostly because of the fear of fleas, but I think that trip really pushed him over the edge and in his mind, all animals have fleas permanently, and if we had a pet cat, it would mean he would be bitten every day for the rest of the cats life. I keep trying to assure him that this is not at the case at all. Last night I asked him how many flea bites he had when his family owned a dog, Tina. None that he can remember... so.. what's the problem? That surely shows that having a pet does not automatically mean that fleas will be present. But alas, no, I can't convince him.


The reason that this has come up, is because someone I know through work has 2 kittens.... they looks so beautiful, only 10 weeks old. Now, I firmly feel that if we had a cat, we should have 2 so that they would keep each other company since we're out at work all day, I know that would be pushing it, but one of them is a gorgeous orange & white one, she looks like she has the same markings as Mr Fish!  she looks so cute & I would love to adopt her. J still has major reservations... "what if she gets ill? what if she gets fleas? what if......." . I really want to own a cat, J knows I've wanted one for 3 years, and yet still, to no avail.


Don't get me wrong, I have tried to just get a kitten in the house, we owned one for all of 2 weeks, we called her cosmic. A friend had 4 15 week old kittens who needed a home, I told him the problem, and he suggested that we take her in, and if J doesn't like her at all, we could give her back. Well, the expected happened, but my friend wouldn't take her back! So, we offered her up free to a good home, and 2 weeks later she was adopted & taken to a home with other cats & some chickens! At that time, J's only reservation was that we had no outside space at the time. Even he was upset when she left. Now we have a garden, and yet, he still says he doesn't want us to have a cat. 


I don't think he understands how much it's upsettng me. I do feel very strongly that pets have a very calming effect on people & with the stresses of my job, I think I would really benefit from it. I miss having a little bundle of fur greeting you as soon as you get home, and I always feel that I should be doing something & I never relax, but when I have a cat to cuddle, I really am able to stop & take things easy. I'm just so down that he doesn't want us to have a lovely little kitten, I don't really know how else I could sell the idea to him. 3 years of talking about it and it's never happened, I think I've got to just accept that it'll never happen.


Still, every birthday & every Christmas I still half expect to get a meowing parcel