so long, fare well, aufwidersehin, goodbye!

Hello dear readers. That welcome was going out to ALL readers I have, anyone who has ever read my blog, so don't take it too personally!!

It has come to my attention, that a certain collective of people have read my blog - by all means do so. But, what I would genuinely love to ask of people, is to READ IT PROPERLY and not take what I have said out of context.

Like my wonderful other half quite rightly points out, you can take any words from a sentence, jumble it around, leave vital bits out, add your own splash of flavour to it, and end with something entirely different.

Well, dear readers of mine, my abject apologies for not keeping you informed as to the trouble that has been brewing under the surface, I would LOVE to tell you all everything, but a little group, way up in Norfolk, have made my blog an ugly place by taking what I say out of context, making themselves upset by what they believe they have read and overall, sullied this place and made me feel ever so violated. My words have been mis-understood, my context shifted to where it doesn't belong, and in short, made me feel like I have done something wrong, when in fact I have not and it is only their perception that has made them angry at yours truely.

Since the episode that took place in Jan of this year, I have been considering changing my e-mail, getting a new blog address, and starting all over again, and make damned sure that people who are only out to hurt me, no longer get any "ammunition" against me.

It makes me sick to think that people out there would rather point the finger of blame, stomp their feet and upset myself and my lovely other half, than to perhaps, hold an adult conversation with myself and not go behind my back which is what has happened. I certainly now know, never to trust these folk ever again, as long as I live I will not dare allow any of my life to enter theirs and I hope, after all this, to never cross their paths again because I cannot live my life with hatred in it - I absolutely CANNOT have people in my life making me feel worthless. Life is precious, life is not a rehearsal and I REFUSE to be spoken to or (knowingly) be spoken about in the manner that has been occurring for quite some time now. I say this because I never got an apology for what happened before in January by one person, I have never had an apology in the past 5 years for nasty things said about me by a few people, and based on this history, I don't hold any hope for an apology this time either.

It's a shame, it really is, I had hoped to get this particular group to understand rather than chase me away. But, I'm now "Banned" from Norfolk, not that it matters as it's never truly appealed. When I visit, my other half is never in the mood for long walks (he's never in the mood for that anyway!), he obviously needs to spend time with the people who he went to visit which is fine, but for me, it means an awful lot of sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, not really feeling like I can watch the TV or listen to music without upsetting anyone and over all feeling very, VERY bored. I don't think I've known time to pass so slowly. Put it this way, I could never in good concious work for the tourist board and say anything other than it's pretty, here and there.

Now, I know what I've said here will be twisted, it will be taken out of context, and I'm so fed up with explaining myself to people who simply don't want to listen, that they can have their wish. I will never sully their lives again, I will never again darken their doors and I will never bother you anymore as I have no energy for it anymore - 5 years is a long time to try, and I've decided it's impossible! If you want to see me as a monster, you are now more than welcome to do so. One person in fact asked a very direct question in regards to our future. Well, you've heard one answer, allow me to shed mine - we have a very strong relationship, we don't see the need to rush into marriage or children, but we are incredibly committed to each other, and we DO make each other very happy. In fact, the only times in recent years we have not been happy, is leading up to or during a visit up north when I become a nervous wreck, paranoid about what will be said to me, worried that my actions of help and assistance will be seen as interfering or manipulative and he's having to spend his time and effort supporting me and making me feel safe. So, thank you for your comments, and should marriage or children be on the cards in the future, don't forget that I am the other half in this relationship and if this rift continues, I will not entertain the idea of anyone being involved, UNLESS an agreement and an apology can be made about the past & and this current issue. That will require people who are willing to talk to me, not shout at me, not say horrid things that are designed to cause an argument (such as "you always get your own way" or "I hate what you have done to him" or "your so f***ing juvenile" etc, because I am not any of these things). Just be aware however, it is not just me you've upset in all this, it's also upset someone you hold dear, and he has been incredibly upset by all this. I have said to him that he is more than welcome to visit you as often as he likes without me, and his response to that was not very positive. Basically, he's hurt you've refused to see what I've said for what it is, and is angry. But he is not angry with me.

I will however like to say to one particular individual, one lovely young lady who lives amongst these people who seem to hate me, that I hear you thought what I had written before was about you. My darling girl, you couldn't be more wrong. I have always seen you as the only person who will give me the time of day, the only person who will be nice and talk nicely to me. I really enjoyed our time "escaping" from that engagement party last year and I would actually love the chance of spending more time with you, doing activities more suited to our age group, rather than just sitting around the house. You are a wonderful person, and my only regret of cutting all ties is that it will mean losing the friendship I have with you and that is the only thing in all this that pains me. I feel that I have never meant anything to the others, and despite my best efforts, I feel that generally speaking they have never got along with me, are simply civil, but always expecting me to trip up somewhere, which I have to say, all that negativity is very obvious! But you are a wonderful person who is kind and caring and you and your little one(s) deserve so much, MUCH more than the hand you have currently been dealt (and by that I mean having a partner so heart-breakingly far away, not having much money to your name and living in quite a "cut off" place). I feel none of this is fair on you in this day & age, and would like to assure you, the offer of you and your child(ren) visiting is always open.
So, to those friends of mine who follow my life via this blog, contact me by other means and I will inform you of my new blog address when it's open. Nina will now have to die, but a new chapter will begin!

TTFN!