I haven't sat down and ranted for some time now, mostly, in the initial period, was because I was trying to make some money at home by doing internet marketing stuff - what a big fucking waste of time.
I've tried home business in the way of selling ad space for on line magazines - no dice unless I call the USA.
I've been through all my ops on my hands and now am left with no feeling in the palm of my left hand (since beginning of Feb) and scars that really hurt all the fucking time.
I'm still looking for a job and that's just ticking over far too slowly
I've been doing some work for my dad and then he's not been happy about how quickly I've got it done, he's not been happy that some of it is a little inaccurate and decides to have a go at me, and he's not even fucking paying me - well, sod that, I can go elsewhere and not have to work so hard just to be yelled at.
Slug & Stick continue to be the biggest arseholes you would ever care to meet - including the other day I was spat on repeatedly by stick, after slug tried to set the dog on me - all that after they've already had a warning - fucking idiots
I'm now concentrating my efforts, after job hunting, on the garden because I've done a REALLY stupid thing and organised a party for the 24th July for family & friends and the garden looks like a shit hole - it's full of stones, weeds and glass - lots and lots of buried glass EVERYWHERE. So, the only course of action that seemed the most sensible (after extensive research on the subject and getting different viewpoints from people who have been in similar shoes to me) is to dig everything up and sieve the soil, getting rid of the majority of crap in this manner. Since starting this however, I'm getting more and more pissed off with everyone and their dog telling me I'm doing it all wrong and that what they would have done is X - don't people realise that when a job's been started, the last thing anyone wants to hear is "you're a total fuck up because my idea is better"
My back hurts a lot, my hands hurt a lot, my scares turn blue and purple if I do too much and J is still working his arse off to keep up afloat while I'm not working, and yet, even after a few hours of overtime, still tries to help me in my plight with the garden but it's just not getting anywhere. I need help, LOTS of help because I'm killing myself trying to do all this on my own.
And I was supposed to have some help in the form of my little bro - was supposed to come and help me last weekend - came instead this weekend with his horrid girlfriend in tow - she's now taken up all his time with plans of her own, and so far, I've only had about 2 hours of help during the whole weekend. This morning, she was supposed to drop him off at 9 am, after being an hour and a half late, I call to see what's going on, and they haven't even left her friends house yet that's over 40 mins drive away!! Honestly - and so, after 20 mins of argueing with my brother who I USED to be close with, I told him to do what the fuck he liked, but IF he decided not to come today, then I don't want to see him again at all. It's been nearly 2 hours since then and so far he's a no show - well, I guess that's one less Christmas present I have to worry about.
I'M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF AT THE MOMENT and no one is helping me apart from J, but I can't keep lumbering him with all these problems, he's technically not family, he technically has no ties or commitments to me, so, if one day he comes home and decides he's had enough, there is NOTHING that is going to make him stay, and quite frankly, I wouldn't blame him at all! I'm so fucked off with my life being this shit, why the hell would someone else want to be involved who doesn't even have to be!!
